So Facebook is a good thing I guess. It’s brought people from my past into my life and that’s been a nice thing. And lately I’ve gotten a lot of contact with past schoolmates since it’s another reunion year – I can’t tell you which one – it’s too scary. Suffice it to say, it’s been awhile.
So when I was perusing a website a former classmate compiled on all the bands in our hometown, I decided to look up my old boyfriend’s band. That’s when the sadness came. There was a “Rest in Peace” in front of his name. Now we haven’t kept in touch; in fact I think it’s been 20 years since we saw each other and spoke, but we had fun at dinner that night catching up and we parted ways in meaningful friendship. I just thought he would always be there, you know? I just thought all my high school classmates would be there. Even though I’ve moved half a country away and I haven’t really stayed in touch, it just felt like a given that they were a part of my life. It was High School. And now my very first serious boyfriend was not here any longer. And the shock that deepened was when I did a bit of research to find he died 8 years ago. There wasn’t an obituary, not much information. I hope someone shed tears at his passing and he was missed those 8 years ago.
I never got to say good bye. I feel neglectful, those old phrases running through my head, I should have stayed in touch, why didn’t I? Could I have been kinder or more insightful? What did he die of and why? I’m a seminarian studying to assist congregants going through what I’m going through. Ironically this semester I have a Pastoral Care class where compassion and guidance are being taught to aid in all phases of grief and despair and life-changing events. At the moment though I’m not feeling kind to myself. I’m feeling sad and wishing I could have done something, although I don’t know what I expect that something to be. We went on with our lives, we went down our own separate paths, I’m not sure what I’m expecting of myself. So instead, I feel sad. And I find myself wondering about the hereafter – what it’s like, is there one? Just because I’m becoming a minister doesn’t mean I know about the hereafter. I have as many questions as everyone else. I have never felt a connection with anyone that has passed on, yet I feel as if there really is someplace out there that our spirit travels to on another plane. But I’ve never seen a ghost or a spirit and I’d love one of them to tell me what it’s like.
I hope you’re happy there Randy. I hope it’s filled with guitars and Chihuahuas. I hope you are experiencing the peace that everyone dreams is there.
From my little piece of Mayberry,