Rest in Peace Randy

February 23rd

So Facebook is a good thing I guess.  It’s brought people from my past into my life and that’s been a nice thing.  And lately I’ve gotten a lot of contact with past schoolmates since it’s another reunion year – I can’t tell you which one – it’s too scary.  Suffice it to say, it’s been awhile.

So when I was perusing a website a former classmate compiled on all the bands in our hometown, I decided to look up my old boyfriend’s band.  That’s when the sadness came.  There was a “Rest in Peace” in front of his name.  Now we haven’t kept in touch; in fact I think it’s been 20 years since we saw each other and spoke, but we had fun at dinner that night catching up and we parted ways in meaningful friendship.  I just thought he would always be there, you know?  I just thought all my high school classmates would be there.  Even though I’ve moved half a country away and I haven’t really stayed in touch, it just felt like a given that they were a part of my life.  It was High School.  And now my very first serious boyfriend was not here any longer.  And the shock that deepened was when I did a bit of research to find he died 8 years ago.  There wasn’t an obituary, not much information.  I hope someone shed tears at his passing and he was missed those 8 years ago.

I never got to say good bye.  I feel neglectful, those old phrases running through my head, I should have stayed in touch, why didn’t I?  Could I have been kinder or more insightful?  What did he die of and why?  I’m a seminarian studying to assist congregants going through what I’m going through.  Ironically this semester I have a Pastoral Care class where compassion and guidance are being taught to aid in all phases of grief and despair and life-changing events.  At the moment though I’m not feeling kind to myself.  I’m feeling sad and wishing I could have done something, although I don’t know what I expect that something to be.  We went on with our lives, we went down our own separate paths, I’m not sure what I’m expecting of myself.  So instead, I feel sad.   And I find myself wondering about the hereafter – what it’s like, is there one?  Just because I’m becoming a minister doesn’t mean I know about the hereafter.  I have as many questions as everyone else.  I have never felt a connection with anyone that has passed on, yet I feel as if there really is someplace out there that our spirit travels to on another plane.   But I’ve never seen a ghost or a spirit and I’d love one of them to tell me what it’s like.   

I hope you’re happy there Randy.  I hope it’s filled with guitars and Chihuahuas.  I hope you are experiencing the peace that everyone dreams is there. 

From my little piece of Mayberry,