Break

January 30, 2011

I’ve been on break.  I looked the word up on dictionary.com and it was interesting to see the definitions.

Break  as a noun:  a brief rest, as from work.   That’s what it feels like right now; I’ve rested from school.  I had forgotten when I was in school in the past that we got breaks.  I was so engrossed in studying and finals that when Christmas came I went straight into that mode.  And I’ve had this whole month to have some extra time.  Time to do things like normal people.  Time to vacuum and go to the grocery store and pet the cat.  Give medicine to the cat.  Walk to the Nirvana shopping center.  All good things I let go to the wayside.  I almost don’t know what to do now.  I would come home from work or school, make and eat dinner and study.  I didn’t do much else.  Now I come home ….. or not… 🙂  I actually have time for a movie or to watch the 100 hours of TV on my DVR (you think I’m joking???)  And I have had 4 weeks off to rest.  I’ve started some projects that I’m excited to do before the next semester begins.  Although the list of what I wanted to accomplish is still soooo long.  I always think I can get more done than I actually can do.  That’s a bit disappointing.  As now that school will be starting again, I feel like I don’t have the time.  Ugh… it’s always about time isn’t it?

(v)  to destroy or interrupt the regularity, uniformity, continuity, or arrangement of; interrupt.  So I did that too.  I interrupted so much of my schedule.  I thought I would get an exercise schedule going, like actually going to the gym with the membership I got such a deal on.  I have been walking, and for two weekends I painted at work and moved furniture and that’s exercise in a way.  I’ve learned to broaden my definitions.  If I’m burning calories and using muscles, it counts.  Somewhat unorthodox for me, as I’ve always thought of exercise as running or lifting weights, but this counts.  And the results have been dramatic!   I instigated repainting the office where I work and it looks gorgeous!  I’m so pleased and I believe so are many members of the congregation.  Placid peach and ginger root, the accent wall is in ginger and the door is chocolate brown.  Doesn’t that sound yummy?  I’m not sure why they choose such sensuous names for paint.  It’s not like we’re going to eat it.  But it must be a marketing ploy, maybe it works for some.  I just use my knowledge of the color wheel, of which I used to teach to 7th graders as an art teacher, and it actually serves me very well.

(v) to shatter, burst, or become broken; separate into parts or fragments, to become suddenly discontinuous or interrupted;  This occurred many times over my school break.  Other breaks.  My answering machine stopped working – broken – but I McGyver’d it and it’s working again!  Sequel just had to have the tiger lilies between his canines and tipped the vase holding the water over onto my TV and “broke” that forever.  It is toast and at the electronic recycling place now.  My tenant called to say that there was a leak coming from the upstairs bathroom into the kitchen below in my condo down south, so hence, another break… the insurance company is working on that one as I type.  Sigh… so many breaks, so many shatters.  But I used to have a co-worker who stated that metaphysically when something broke in your life, it represented a breakthrough.  I must be going through some kind of spiritual awakening!  Oh and I’ve also broken 3 nails.  That in and of itself could represent a metaphysical experience!

(v) to free oneself or escape suddenly, as from restraint or dependency.  This could represent relationships.  The one break that saddens me more than anything is the break with my brother.  He has become distant, bitter, very angry and completely cut off from me.  So my job now is to let go with love and free myself of all the grief I feel and say a prayer.  This brings us back to the noun portion of the word.

(n) an abrupt or marked change; a suspension of or sudden rupture in friendly relations.  It’s a very strange feeling to not have immediate family.  Since both of my parents are deceased and now my brother so distant emotionally, I am it for my family.  I have discovered though with this break that there is a freeing of my spirit that is unexpected.  In the back of my mind in the past, I always expected to fall back on someone if I needed to, financially or emotionally.  And there has come a certain strength I didn’t know I had, to know that I truly am on my own.  It’s me, myself and I.  It feels peaceful.  Oh and one other important entity.  My god I believe in, Higher Power, Yahweh, Spirit, Universe, it’s known by many names.  There is a closeness that I feel that shores me up when I feel unsure or afraid or incapable.  So I’m not alone.  I have all I need.  And I’ve even had a break… in more ways than one.

From my little piece of Mayberry,

Jo