The Circle of Life

November 10, 2010

I had an aha moment today.  Our project group in ECO class had met and were working on our semester project and we were doing a practice Chalice Circle.  In the circle ceremony we took a moment to speak about a sacred object we had brought to the circle.  I had brought my spirit bracelets.  These 2 bracelets that I wear every day were my mom’s.  Her name was Pearl and people bought her pearl jewelry all the time.  When she passed away , she left me all her jewelry.  Now she had a lot of trinkets, but not much that would be considered valuable.  I have 2 pearl bracelets that she actually used as extensions on a necklace that I discovered in the pile.  Ever since I’ve gotten them, I’ve worn them daily.  I decided that one stands for my mom and one represents my dad and I call them my spirit parents.  I was never close to my parents when they were alive.  We seemed to come from different worlds and didn’t understand each other.  But my spirit parents are awesome!  They understand me completely, they’re always there to support me, and I can talk to them.  I take them everywhere with me and it’s like I can share events and occasions with them.  When I went to visit my friend Katherine a couple of years ago, I took my bracelets with me on my wrist and told my mom, guess what Mom, we get to fly on a  seaplane!  I’ve always made a point to have my bracelets on especially whenever I embarked on a new adventure.  When I drove up here for my final trip, I said here we go Mom, we’re going to live in the City by the Bay!  It’s been a comfort to me to have my spirit parents to talk to and I’ve created more trust with them than I did when they were alive.  And it dawned on me today that I have them to share experiences with.  Both my parents are now dead, I never had children and am divorced and my brother is estranged from me at the moment.  I do a lot of things alone.  So I have someone to share experiences with that I can consider famiy members.  And I kind of like the sound of spirit parents.  There’s a certain magic to that thought that I’m peaceful with.  It’s like having guardian angels sitting on my shoulders watching over me.

On November 26th my mother will have been dead 5 years.  On October 13th last month, my father has been gone for 8 years.  It’s strange being an adult orphan.  And as the day approaches to the anniversary of her death, I get a bit apprehensive.  What I am grateful for though is that I got to say goodbye.  She had been in ICU nearly 30 days when the hospital and my brother called to say it was time for me to fly back.  It was two full days before my brother agreed that it was time to let go of life support the day after Thanksgiving that year.  Then began the waiting.  At one point he went to get us cups of coffee and I found myself alone with mom, nearly in a comatose state with tubes running crisscrossed against her body.  I took her hand and I said, Mom, I forgive you for whatever it is I think you did and I hope that you forgive me for whatever it was you think I did.  I am so grateful to have had that moment alone with her and say I love you and say goodbye.  It was truly a gift.   And I think of this as her anniversary of leaving here approaches.  She hung on till I arrived and could say goodbye.  Interestingly enough during Thanksgiving time.  I wonder what she would say to my going back to school to be a minister.  I would hope she’d be excited, but that’s the sad part.  I don’t know.  We never talked about important things like that.  But she did show me how to make my grandma’s spaghetti sauce from Sicily and those famous Christmas cookies.  I have some good memories and that’s the important thing.  With the memory of at least seeing her at Thanksgiving.  I love the feeling that gratitude brings to me.  I’m entering into my favorite time of year, Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s.  I’m a stranger in a strange land with a lot of firsts happening each day I stay here.  So it’s good to have a couple of angels on my shoulders steering me along.

From my little piece of Mayberry,